Sunday, June 19, 2011

ini untuk abah ♥

Bismillahirrahmanirraheem.

Salam 'alaik.

Mesti ramai yang dah tengok vlog matluthfi ni kan.



pastu baca pulak blog schoolmate dulu, yang bawa saya ke blog yg saya pun tak kenal tuan empunyanya.

tengok ayat last beliau..

"p/s: Aku tak pernah ucap hari bapa. Korang pernah? Tapi hari ibu, tiap-tiap tahun call walaupun dari jauh sejak 5 tahun yang lalu."

....saya terasa sendiri.

Frankly speaking, saya tak tau pun hari ni hari bapa. Yelah kan, tiap-tiap tahun tarikhnya bertukar, pastu ikut region lagi sambutannya tu. Bila TERbaca tweet, status ni fb... barulah nak tegedik-gedik google yeke hari ni hari bapa. My bad, dan untuk itu, i'm very sorry abah.

Teragak-agak nak tulis ni sebab tau once i start writing this, confirm lah banjir. huuuuu TT.TT

ketuk-ketuk jari atas meja. tak tahu nak tulis apa.
*insert bunyi cengkerik*


Dear my beloved abah,

First of all I'm truly sorry cause this kinda late, but still I wanna wish you Happy Father's Day. I always have lots of things to say when it comes to mama. But with you, there's still some things that i prefer to just keep it to myself.

Along tau. Kalau abah marah-marah. You must hv a concrete reason for that. Sebab abah sayang along.

Along tau. Kalau abah larang buat satu-satu benda tu. Mesti sebab it'll only do me harm. Sebab abah sayang along.

Along tau. Kalau abah berleter panjang-panjang sampai panas telinga. Tu pun mesti sebab abah nak bg along nampak pros and cons semua benda tu. Sebab abah sayang along.

Along tau, even abah tibai masa kecik-kecik dulu pun. Tu sebab abah nak bg pengajaran mcm mana orang lain rasa kalau along sakitkan adik-adik. Sebab abah sayang along.

Along tau jugak, kadang-kadang abah biar je along buat apa-apa sekalipun tanpa cakap apa-apa. Sebabnya abah nk instil rasa tanggungjawab, bg along belajar independent. Tu pun sebab abah sayang along.

I'm not good in expressing feelings. And I don't know how to put this into words.

Abah. You just don't know how much I love you. You've done so much for me. Dari sekecik-kecik dodoikan tidur dulu, sampailah dah besar panjang ni. You never say "no" utk benda-benda relevan yg kami adik-beradik mintak. Dan abah dah bagi the best as you could. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you.

Kalaulah ada 1000. No. Kalaulah ada 1000000 orang yang nak replace abah dengan kereta besar, rumah besar, duit berkepuk-kepuk pun. I'd still say NO. Cause you're my only abah. Maybe not the best abah in the world. But you're the greatest abah in MY universe.

Thank you for everything. You're the reason I'm here. And I'd give you anything in the world just to make you proud and happy.






I ♥ YOU, ABAH. HAPPY ABAH'S DAY.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Pinggan dan refleks

Bismillahirrahmanirraheem.

Salam 'alaik.

Tadi dok basuh-basuh, susun-susun pinggan.. ternampaklah sebijik pinggan yang tak berapa bersih dibasuh. Saya pun ambik, basuh dan letakkan balik di tempat pengering. Saya tergelak kecil, teringat peristiwa beberapa bulan lepas.

Diakui saya ni bukanlah penyabar sangat orangnya, tambah-tambah kalau tengah moodswing & stress. Sesetengah benda saya memang tak ambik port sangat, tapi certain perkara saya memang ambik kesah- especially benda-benda kecik yang senang nak buat. Lagikan before makan pun saya akan basuh tangan 2 kali. First before cedok nasik & lauk. Dan lagi sekali before suap nasik. Sebabnya, saya tak yakin dgn tangan yg dah pegang sudu tu, maybe ada benda asing yg tertempek kat situ who knows.. See what i mean? Cerewet.



Dan pada suatu petang, saya yang sedang stress dan kelaparan membuka pintu kabinet untuk mengambil pinggan. Malangnya ketiga-tiga pinggan yg saya ambil semuanya tidak memuaskan hati saya. Saya pun mengomel sendirian, "Apa semua pinggan kotor ni. Basuh pinggan pun payah ke". FYI, saya memang particular kalau bab pinggan mangkuk ni. memang perangai dari kecik lagi, saya geli nak pakai pinggan/gelas yang berkuping sambal... bercop lipstik.. berminyak ke.... dll. Even kalau ada kesan air kering (yang nampak mcm keruh sikit) tu pon saya memang takkan sentuh. Memang relalah usaha cari pinggan lain. Kalau dah tak ada sangat terpaksa basuh, keringkan balik pinggan tu sebelum guna. Tak saya sedari, ada sorang kawan masuk dapur dan cakap sambil terseyum, "alaa.. basuh lah balik". Saya diam je, malas nak jawap nanti jadi gaduh pulak.

Kita semua pun tau, kita tak boleh expect orang utk ikut cara kita. Different ppl hv different way of life. Dan apa yg kita boleh buat adalah terima cara tiap-tiap orang dan adapt dgn situasi tu. Ni common sense. Orang kate, some things are better left unsaid tak gitu.

Sampailah satu hari, ada kakak yg cakap: akhlak tu refleks. Alaa, macam reflex arch kita jugak. Kalau pathway, connectionnya bagus, no problemos, tak ada pathologic lesion.... Bila diprovoke dgn apa stimulus sekalipun inshaAllah akan bagi reaction yg sepatutnya. Bayangkan kalau ada defect di afferent pathway (input) misalnya; tangan terpegang cerek panas, tapi kita tak dapat sense kepanasan tu sebab tak ada signal yg boleh relay input panas tu. So tak adalah reaction nye kan. Kita takkan remove tangan dari cerek panas sebab tak dapat signal, tangan yg terbiar tu luka terbakar. Outcome yg kita dapat tak appropriate dgn stimulus tu bukan?

Sama macam kita jugak. Kita sering membicarakan isu aqidah dan ibadah. Aqidah ni sulit. Orang tak nampak, orang tak tahu. Ibadah pun. Yang zahirnya tunggang-terbalik solat. Tapi sejauh mana keberadaan kita dalam solat tu. Seikhlas mana kita abdikan diri, tunduk pada Allah pd particular moment tu. Wallahua'lam. Tepuk dada, tanya diri sendiri. Tapi apa pulak bukti kemantapan iman kita? Saya jawap akhlak. Macam yg orang selalu war-warkan, kecantikan luaran tu datang dari dalam. Macam konsep bola besi yang dah 37ribu kali ulang. Mantapnya pemahaman yg "di dalam" tu inshaAllah akan menzahirkan little things "yang di luar", yang jelas membezakan yang haq dgn yang batil.

Akhlak ni pulak bukanlah semata-mata yang kita belajar dalam subjek Pendidikan Islam kat sekolah dulu-dulu: jujur, bercakap benar, menghormati orang tua.. and so on.. Ni semua betul, tapi lebih dari tu jugak. Contohnya aurat. Seandainya seseorang tu faham keperluan menutup aurat, tidak timbul masalah untuk melaksanakannya. Bahkan, rasa seronok dan dihargai. Dan kita rasa eager utk tunjukkan yang i'm a muslim and proud. Yelah, dgn menjaga diri kita dari fitnah pd masa yg sama kita pun turut memelihara pandangan orang lain. Tak ke dah berbakti dan berbuat baik tu? Sekaligus tercapai jugak satu muwasofat tarbiyyah: bermanfaat kepada orang lain, kan?

Ya. Teori tak sama dengan praktikal. And many things are easier said than done. Saya katakan tadi akhlak tu adalah refleks. Jadi bagaimana pulak akhlak kita = reflex kita terhadap orang sekeliling? Tak kisah lah kawan-kawan, parents, lecturers atau masyarakat umum sekalipun. Refleks ni lah yang cerminkan nilai-nilai dalam diri kita. Berapa banyak kita beramal dengan sifat-sifat mahmudah yg dah belajar dari bangku sekolah lagi? Berapa banyak contoh teladan dari Rasulullah yang kita ambil dan praktikkan? *ketuk kepala sekali* Teringat kisah 'Umair bin Wahb Al-Juwahiy yang masih belum memeluk Islam pd masa itu, dicekak lehernya oleh Umar Al-Khattab ketika ingin menemui Rasulullah. Tapi apa yang Nabi katakan? Nabi dgn tegas perintahkan Umar supaya lepaskan 'Umair dan berundur ke belakang dan kemudian meminta si tetamu merapati baginda. Mulianya Rasulullah saw. Sedangkan Nabi jelas akan kehadiran 'Umair adalah untuk menamatkan riwayat baginda.

Malu sendiri kalau fikir lemahnya diri mengawal marah. *ketuk kepala 2 kali* Cuba compare dgn apa yg Nabi buat, sedangkan musuh pun dilayan baik. Inikan benda remeh yang even tak bawak masuk exam pun. Yang saya ceritakan tentang isu pinggan di sini contoh semata-mata. Betapa seremeh-remeh isu pun dipandang besar, boleh bawa kepada rasa tak senang hati terhadap orang lain. Perasaan-perasaan kurang enak seperti inilah yang menjadi virus-virus perosak ukhuwwah. Dari perasaan tak suka, bertukar menjadi buruk sangka, fitnah dan permusuhan.

Sejauh mana ketepatan refleks kita dgn stimulus yang "mencucuk-cucuk" kita? Adakah kita react appropriately dgn alihkan tangan kalau tersentuh cerek panas? Atau kita tolak cerek tu sampai jatuh? Mungkinkah kita tengok saja tangan kita terbakar? Boleh jadi jugak kita nampak tangan kita terbakar tapi tak mampu nak alihkan tangan. Atau adakah kita tak perasan langsung-langsung pun yang tangan kita terkena cerek panas? InshaAllah boleh check balik kalau ada defect di mana-mana dalam pathway kita. Peringatan utk diri saya sendiri jugak.

Alhamdulillah. Skarang ni kalau saya dapat pinggan yang kurang menepati piawai saya, saya tersenyum sendirian, teringatkan alkisah akhlak=refleks ni. Saya ambik, basuh dan keringkan sebelum guna. Boleh jadi jugak, ini hanya jadi perkara "besar" untuk saya sahaja, sedangkan orang lain tak pernah menjadi isu penting pun.Tak perlu pun untuk bising satu rumah tentang isu sebijik pinggan.

Dari Abu Hurairah r.a; Nabi SAW bersabda: "Barang siapa yang beriman dengan Allah dan hari akhirat maka jangan lah ia menyakiti jirannya, dan siapa yang beriman dengan Allah dan hari akhirat hendaklah ia memuliakan tetamunya, dan siapa yang beriman dengan Allah dan hari akhirat hendaklah ia mengatakan perkara yang baik atau berdiam."
-Riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim-

Wallahua'lam. Peringatan untuk diri sendiri.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.



Tawakkal, Zetty. Tawakkal.

He knows best.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The brick

Bismillahirrahmanirraheem.

Salam 'alaik.

Found this on fb today. Cant help myself but posting it here.




A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag’s side door! He slammed on the brakes and drove the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car, shouting, "What was that all about and who are you?



Just what the heck are you doing?



That’s a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money.



Why did you do it?"



The young boy was apologetic. "Please mister … please, I’m sorry… I didn’t know what else to do," he pleaded.

"I threw the brick because no one else would stop…"



With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car.

"It’s my brother," he said.



"He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can’t lift him up."



Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He’s hurt and he’s too heavy for me."



Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out his fancy handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.



"Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger.



Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the little boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home. It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: Don’t go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!



It’s our choice: Listen to the whisper … or wait for the brick!



Taken from Productive Muslim on Facebook.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

psychology: the patients.

Bismillahirrahmanirraheem.

Salam 'alaik.

We had our second practical lesson for medical psychology subject this morning. Today, we've been given the opportunity to interact with two patients (we didnt know their problem at the beginning), mine with moderate depression and the other with obsessive-compulsive disorder: an anxiety disorder that causes people to have unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and to repeat certain behavior over and over again for instance handwashing, locking doors or counting. We were divided into two groups of 4 and 3 members each. Our task was to make contact with them and we've been given the freedom to talk about whatever we wanted within 7 minutes.


groupmates.

I was in a group of three, together with Zikri and Neo. The first student was a bit nervous and didn't get enough time to prepare therefore he didn't manage to get many information which I thought was quite an advantage for me since my goal was to gain as much informations as possible related to her daily lives that allow us to make diagnosis. I would say it started a bit awkward(?) I dont know... I'm not good conversing with strangers and the fact that this lady was not a regular patient I used to see in wards made me a bit anxious. It was different compared to talking with patients in internal medicine subject, at least for me. In wards, I know what informations are necessary and would be useful in making diagnosis, for instance is it painful, to where it's spreading, what ceases the pain, etc etc... Yet talking to a mentally unstable patients made me worried and restless because they are extra sensitive and I wasn't sure what's the best way to talk to them, you know.. since we're total strangers and all. And I wouldn't have known if any of my questions made her feel offended. As we know, gaining trust from the patient is super important to ensure the effectiveness of the treatment. And good doctor-patient relationship relies on communication between them.




our supercute instructor. kekeke :p

After that, we sat on the ground and talked about our opinion regarding the activity today. The discussion has proven me that different people obviously have different way of thinking and different goals. As we went through the problems, we can see our weakness in communicating with patients. I guess I did okay, but somehow I wasn't fully satisfied with my performance. I didn't manage to gain 100% of my patient's trust. All I did was asking for relevant informations, listening to her complaints and made some remarks on that. I think I was more like interrogating(?) her. Haha. Whereas the student after me was more like sharing her experiences, giving advices and recommendations which seemed good to me-more like a consultation session. And of course, here the language barrier is the major factor that is limiting the our communication with the patients. English is not my mother tongue and the lady-my patient aint a native English speaker either. So the conversation turned out to be a bit forced *imo* and didn't come out naturally. It was hard for her to explain certain things and it was difficult for me to understand what exactly she was trying to say. One important thing that I've learnt today is that it's really uncommon for Czechs to have body contact between doctor-patient which I think is quite surprising. They usually openly display affection towards each other. But slight touch on hands, shoulders or knees are considered very intimate and they may take it wrongly. Different to our culture back in Malaysia, holding the patients' hands while comforting them is quite normal (but not between man and woman for sure! it'll be mistaken as sexual harassment).

I've always have this mindset that mentally unstable patients are disoriented, loss in their own world.. to put it simply: crazy. I've once visited a psychiatry ward in HUSM and all I could see were patients talking nonsense. But today being a medical student I could see how broad the psychology field really is. People with depression are sick too. Most of the time, we don't even realize that how serious this problem could be. I used to think that being stressful is okay, I'll just get over it later. However there are some people seem to not capable of solving this problem. This if prolonged can lead to other serious problems. Just talking about stress made me think about the activated sympathetic system that leads to vasoconstriction of peripheral vessels and later on will develop hypertension. I wont talk about the harmful effects of hypertension. I'll just leave it to pathophysiology exam later. Hehe :P

I feel pity for this lady because she found her life empty. There is no one that she can really hold on to and nobody seems to understand how she feels. The main problem is that she lost interest in things that she used to love before. Somehow I'd give props to her because she's brave enough to seek for help, i mean not everyone would admit that they are in need of help right? Most people tend to suppress their feelings and eventually are bound to succumb. Till then I didn't realize how lucky I was. I have family and friends that will always be the shoulder to cry on whenever I'm in need and I'm very grateful for that. And most importantly, I have God who'll always be there, at my highest high or my lowest low.

"And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided."
[Al-Baqarah, 2:186]


Alhamdulillah ^^


credit: Patrick for the photos

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

electrocardiogram, equals to lubdub lubdub

Bismillah...




Countdown....
7hrs to go.
more than half of ecg sheets to be revised.

massive headache.
tachycardia, due to release of stress hormone.


urrghhh.....



O Allah, please make ease for what's best for me.

"If Allah should aid you, no one can overcome you; but if He should forsake you, who is there that can aid you after Him? And upon Allah let the believers rely." [Ali'Imran, 3:160]